it’s hard sometimes
when all your friends and family around you are in relationships and you’re the odd one out. At family or friend dinners/get togethers they all bring their somebody and you’re the only cousin/friend without a person at your side. They all talk about dates and what fun each couple had over the break from when you saw them last. You see how happy they are and wish you had someone like that in your life. Someone who is waiting for your call, wanting to hang out with you, to talk to you and doesn’t treat you like a 3rd wheel leech. I know envy is a bad thing and it makes me jealous sometimes… which sucks, cause i hate being a bitch, but who wouldn’t envy something so simple as a hug or a peck on the cheek? These simple gestures, especially when out of the blue for no reason what so ever except that that person wanted too, makes a persons day!(or at least mine) Last time i got a random hug, unfortunately i was in a crap mood (which i regret), was from my friend Carina. It was after a movie and as i said goodbye and began getting into my car she just said “Oh wait Ashley!” she ran up to me “i forgot to give you a hug!” I almost died i had such a great feeling. The feeling of someone just wanting to make another person feel good by hugging them. It makes you feel wanted and its the most amazing feeling in the world.
When surrounded by couples, the really hard thing, is when you become the conversation of the hour and how/why your still single. I know it’s not meant to be mean or meant to make me feel down. Your friends and family only want you to be happy, and truly want you to have what they have, and that’s unconditional love. But when they ask questions like “Are you ever going to have a boyfriend? Why do you scare them away? (obviously not on purpose) Why are you so picky?’ shit like that. It’s hard not to look at yourself and think, whats wrong with me? Especially if you’re a girl; which i am, you over analyze everything. I think to myself when asked these interrogation questions, do i talk to much, am i annoying in another way, im i too shy, do i have some random quirks, and the big question: am i ugly? I’m a casual dresser. I wear a little make-up, Jeans, T-shirt, Converse. Then as i wear my usual garb, i think of what guys have told me in the past, why not dress up and blah blah blah. Well from when i was little, i was taught someone should like you for who you are and not care how you dress. They should love you for you and not the superficial stuff. But hey, lets face it, that’s really never the case. It’s always looks first, or at least my experience with the other sex it seems that way. It’s funny guys like to hang out with me but never want to date me. I’ve gotten the line “your just to cool to date” “your like a sister” “i just don’t see you that way, your one of the guys” or my favorite ” i thought you were a lesbian”. Which to a girl who is straight is like getting shot with a machine gun. You feel…. do any guys think i’m attractive? My favorite though is when friends try to set you up on blind dates…. why do people think that’s going to help? Maybe some people swear by them and they’ve met their special someone that way, but for me, every blind date ive got set up with (usually without my knowledge, cause i’ll say no) has been one awkward mess after another. Sure your friends are trying to help, but they should know you’re not a huge fan of the “hey ive never heard of you before do you want to go to a movie and dinner?” Personally, every time i’ve gone on a blind date it seemed forced, and that’s not how you should feel with someone. You should WANT to go to the movie and dinner with them.
I know my ideals of relationships are skewed like no tomorrow for the simple fact that i am very scenical towards guys. Not to mention some girls and how they talk about relationships. For instance, the saying “love at first sight” which some girls live by i, personally, think is total bullshit lol. That is called LUST and nothing more. Then those girls respond to me with “your just bitter cause you don’t have anyone!”. Eh maybe i am, but i’ve had a few men hurt me bad in the past, in ways they don’t even know. But that’s how you learn. You experience the bad side of relationships(which I’ve had too many) and it makes the right one, when it comes, absolutely wonderful. So thanks for reading this vent session and since you’ve made it to here I’d like to end in a positive note. I will say this, i have one girly relationship saying that i live by and hope it’s true and that is “Mr. Right is out there, you just haven’t found him yet”.
Murphys Law
